On Father's Day, I want to talk to you about the role of a father in the family.

Very often, with the arrival of a child, partners become not a united team but gradually turn into opponents, battling each day for the title of "better father." How can we stop ourselves, maintain harmony, and remain not only good parents but also partners?


Mothers, how often have you had a strong belief that your opinion carries more weight, that you have more right to make decisions? Because you carried the child, because you spend more time with them, because you constantly read and educate yourself on parenting topics. I have often felt this way.

Will this belief lead us to a positive outcome? That you will remain right. But what might it cost you or even the child?


What guides us is our own experience, undoubtedly. The experience that has shaped generations of women. And if in the past, a man was simply a means to conceive a child and his role ended there, then it evolved into "providing for the family," and later into a father's involvement like "Just wait, when your father comes home in the evening..." But now, it doesn't work like that anymore!

A man, just like a woman, is a full partner in the family. Nothing sets us apart. We are equal parents with equal rights for our child. Of course, there are different family models. It all depends on your agreements with your partner, your religion, and your culture. If you have agreed on something and it's okay with both of you, then please go ahead. But if you constantly criticize each other regarding who is more important and whose word is final, something needs to be done.


There are more and more articles about the important role of a father for his child. Men have the same intuition, the same instincts as mothers, the same desire to raise and care for their offspring. So, how can they stand against our "Hey, I'm the one who carried this child in my own body, I nursed them with my milk, I..." and thousands of "I" statements? What power will a man have against our "I"?


I'm not taking sides right now. I was on the brink of everything falling apart due to my "I." We can do a lot, indeed. We are capable of everything on our own. But is it necessary?


Here are some tips that are not mine, about how to maintain a relationship and the role of a father in the family.



By enhancing each other's good qualities, acknowledging each other's strengths, we can become a truly great team.

A clichéd phrase that generates a lot of truth is, "Children will grow up, and you will remain." And what will be left on the minefield depends only on the efforts of both of you.

There are situations where there is no chance of saving the marriage. But the children remain. And it is crucial to build relationships in a way that satisfies the needs of the child, forgetting about your resentments.


In reality, we get upset with our partner when we don't feel supported.

Why don't we see it? I remember the most challenging period in my family. Why is everything like this? Who is to blame? A lot of despair.

When responsibilities are not shared equally, there will always be misunderstandings. We constantly changed our areas of competence. Sometimes I had more work, and I needed support; sometimes my husband did. You can agree on everything. The important thing is to ask for help. It took me some time to learn to ask. I would quietly get upset. And it turned out that my husband didn't even realize something was bothering me.



The next "Why is everything like this?" is a result of "I know better," "He can't do it," "He will mess something up."

Our lack of trust doesn't benefit anyone. Think about what terrible thing will happen if he does something wrong. Well, what? Is it worth it? In the end, try not to interfere in their interaction with the child. If something bothers you, you can discuss it privately, come to an agreement, explain why it would be better for the child to do things differently, and act together. Because it will truly provide more peace and a sense of security for the child.



No one wants to have an unhappy wife or child. Every man wants to make our lives comfortable; it's just a matter of methods.

It's hard for everyone to be parents. We have to learn a lot because not everyone is fortunate enough to have a good family model living in harmony. And when it's hard for us, the "reptilian" brain takes over, following the pattern of "Do what's written on the cue card." Usually, all this is resolved through rest, preferably together, and discussing such matters.

Talk about everything that bothers you. But not from a position of "You...YOU...It's all your fault!" Instead, from a perspective of "I don't feel enough support," "I see how difficult it is for you, but it's not the best way to convey what you want to the child." Use "I-messages" without accusations and reproaches. Everything with respect. You are equals.


A common occurrence is when a child prefers one parent over the other. They want only him/her to bathe, feed, or play with them. This can greatly offend the other parent. However, it is entirely normal for a toddler who cannot simultaneously listen to both responsible adults. This doesn't mean that one parent is better; it often happens that children test the limits in this way. In such cases, it's important to maintain your adult position, gently and respectfully explaining why one parent will be taking.